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  • Kaelyn Turner

Twist some panties in a bunch.

I'm in a mood.

A mood to rock a boat. Bust a ball. Twist some panties in a bunch.

This is one that I've been wanting to talk about for a long time. And a lotta y'all ain't gonna like it. Just how I like it.

"Thiiiis is how we dooo iiiiit. This is how we do it, now!"
-Montell Jordan

I don't anticipate I have a whole lot to say about this topic other than y'all. Come on!

It's 2022. How have we not learned that trendy, gimmicky, MLM, too-good-to-be-true, empty promise products are a crock of shit?

If you live where I live - you've either driven by or gone in these little boutique "Nutrition" shops that have their sign in cursive rainbow. Most of them are one word deals like "Craze", "Groove", "Hype", "Sweat", "Vibe"... whatever. You get the picture. Some of them are 2 words in cursive and contain the word "Nutrition" in the shop name.

If you aren't familiar... I'm talking about LOADED TEAS.

Ugh. Guys. I'm tired. Oh wait. There it is. Yep... I just found the energy.

What in nature, that is consumable, comes in ombrè mardi gras colors?
Not even king cake.

Right off the bat, 110mph, to claim that any form of drink like shown above, equates "Nutrition", is MARKETING y'all. Marketing, that has convinced a lot of people that they'll become skinny and energized if they drink these drinks.

The other interesting thing... They aren't even all tea. But also, the Herbalife website itself does not have any recipes for these Loaded Teas. They boast that there are over 70,000 "Nutrition clubs" worldwide. Their website is about individualized "nutrition" plans (aka buying supplements the direct to consumer seller gets you to buy) being the bread and butter of their business model. Nothing wrong with individualized nutrition. Nothing wrong with tea. Nothing wrong with good quality supplements. They have some great-looking titles to scroll through in their resources. <shrug>

But loaded teas... ain't it, fam. They got y'all.

Artificial colors. Artificial sweeteners. Some B vitamins. Caffeine - in varying amounts. Maybe some Vitamin C. That's it.

Here's the headline... that will never be a headline...

Let's get clear on the difference between ENERGY and STIMULATION.

  • Having ENERGY, consistently, most days of the week, is the result of eating a nutrient dense diet, getting plenty of water, high quality and adequate quantity sleep, having a positive or upbeat outlook on life, keeping stress at a manageable level, and more.

  • Being STIMULATED gives you a FALSE sense of having ENERGY. We can be stimulated by caffeine, drugs like those made for treating insomnia and ADD/ADHD, illegal drugs, diet pills, loud music, highly intense environments (like a rally, a concert, an emergency), or having to be focused and on the move for a prolonged time.

Caffeine isn't going to make you skinny. Neither will B vitamins. Neither will fake liquid colors that don't mix (gross, dude). I can only imagine it's the color of diarrhea when you neglect it and it's melted by your work computer 4 hours into your day.

An MLM "nutrition club" is not that at all. It's a way to sell products. The end.

I lie.

NUTRITION absolutely IS individualized. Every BODY is different.

If you are in a mood for a caffeine buzz - go for it!

One here and there is nothing to be concerned about if you are choosing it because you like that hyped up feeling and the fake flavors or you're trying to make yourself poop.

But you will ALWAYS be chasing that caffeine buzz. Caffeine in large amounts, or larger than YOUR body can handle, causes high blood pressure, high heart rate, can cause arrhythmia (abnormal heart beat), withdrawal symptoms, vomiting, diarrhea, tremors, anxiety, and so on.

Check this out from a Loaded Tea pack for sale on Etsy??? I'm so confused first of all LOL..

"**Whatever the case, our oh-so-refreshing and sugar-free teas will provide that pick-me-up for all those mid-noon slumps!

This listing is for 5 TRIPLE THREAT Loaded Energy Teas to make at home or on the go for in a 32oz cup. They come in easy to mix packets.

***TRIPLES contain 210mg + of caffeine

***Carbs: 5g

***Calories: 23" (I'm not providing a source link here because I'm not trying to hate on individual people trying to make money, but this is nuts, fam).

....TWO HUNDRED TEN... PLUS mg of CAFFEINE in ONE drink!! Heart Attack City, USA.

ESPECIALLY if you are using these super caffeinated drinks as a WEIGHT LOSS strategy. Some people get appetite suppression from consuming caffeine, some don't.

Chronically not eating and consuming caffeine is a recipe for disappointment and frustration.

From the exact same Etsy shop as above... this is further along in the product description...

"TRIPLE THREAT TEAS burn 90- 145 Calories after consumption and stimulates metabolism."

90 to 145 calories. Haters will say, if my Loaded Tea burns that many calories, that's the less

exercise I have to do to get into a deficit, which is what is required for weight loss. What I'm saying is... is that if a person is using Loaded Teas to lose weight, because that's what they are marketed to do... them 90 to 145 minus the 20-something in the drink itself... doesn't add up to weight loss. You have to move your body. Also, the magic number for fat loss is 250. Decreasing total calorie ("Energy") intake by 250 calories per day, consistently, over time, is the number that nutrition coaches will default to for weight loss. (4)

Nutrition involves food. All the time. Every time. That's 1 blanket statement you definitely can make. Nutrition is not a single product. It's not a single supplement.

There is no supplement on Earth that taken alone or even in combination with other things, that cures obesity.

There are things that can jump start people. That generate weight loss until a plateau. But, y'all... THINK. If these teas and other similar products were the cure for obesity ... somebody on Earth would be a trillionaire and there would be no more obesity.

I truly hate to use a mainstream media link and article, but it's just really doing it for me.

OPINION that I so happen to v much agree with (I saved a lot of time by typing v instead of very so watch out!!)...

"The enticing tropical flavors and swirl of colors add a little magic to the otherwise unpalatable experience of gulping down a 32-ounce cup of supplements.

“It’s the same formula as an energy drink, but they call it a tea — because teas are what ‘healthy’ people drink,” said Dr. Tanja Johnston, a Los Angeles-based board certified naturopathic doctor and nutritionist." (3)

And another thing.

"Where did loaded teas come from?

It’s unclear whether Herbalife's corporate offices created the idea for loaded teas and shared recipes with distributors or if distributors came up with the concept and it's taken off, but searches on Instagram and Facebook turn up hundreds of shops, many of them concentrated in towns across Mississippi, Alabama, Tennessee, Oklahoma and Florida, advertising their new beverages at special events while linking to a Herbalife digital storefront." (3)

Concentrated in towns across Mississippi, Alabama, Tennessee, Oklahoma, and Florida...

Amongst the states with the highest rates of chronic disease and obesity and lowest education rates. They forgot about us... Louisiana raise up!!!

I quit believing in coincidences about 2-3 years ago.

That said - Herbalife's individual PRODUCTS are probably fine... but y'all.

Y'all killin me with these loaded teas.





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