Chihuahua Mode: ENGAGE Part 2 Rated R: Language
First of all eyeroll. My eye balls just rolled out my head through my mouth onto the floor.
Like. I rated this R for Language. Because I will use the words shit, damn, hell and probably
the F word. And something I'll never understand, is people who are so offended by curse words. Or people who believe they are more righteous or other people are worse people than them because they use "foul" language. Language is language fam. HUMANS assigned meaning to language. Language is something that changes over time.
If you believe that "cursing" is a worse sin than judging another person for cursing, or the CVS receipt long list of other sinful options to judge people for, which I do not endorse... This blog is for you!
ANYWAY. You've been warned. If you can't handle profanity, it's already too late, but X IT OUT NOW!
Seewwwww, 2 blogs ago I went on a philosophical rant about the timing of life and lessons and healing from trauma and growing up and learning now to not be a shitty human.
This is part 2 of that rant. I introduced the method of EMDR Therapy as quoted below:
"(2) I have been participating in EMDR Therapy.
EMDR Therapy is not new and WHERE THE HELL HAS IT BEEN THE LAST 10 YEARS OF MY LIFE???
Sorry. Chihuahua mode engaged.
A more in-depth look at my experience so far in EMDR therapy plus tangents on other related and probably unrelated topics will be Part 2 of this blog, but here's a brief intro.
Also, I chose this Chihuahua stock photo to be this blog's mascot. I do not know if he is a he or a she and in this day and age you shan't assume. But, he looks like a he to me.
Why a Chihuahua?
Well, because people have called me an ankle biter for most of my pre-adult to adult life. I've been nicknamed "Snappy" and "Sparky". I've also been nicknamed "bitch", which tended to be less endearing.
Being snappy, sparky or bitchy can keep things interesting, be funny, makes you more attractive to some people, at times may prevent you from being taken advantage of... unless it's a defense mechanism. And unless you've experienced this yourself, or love someone who has made this a habit... you've likely said "I thought you were such a bitch when I first met you and I was like almost afraid of you but now I LOVE YOU!!!."
If I had a $dolla for every time...
Let's just say, that "way of being" got me thinking. Enter: THERAPY. If you've been here a while, tell me what my #1 life motto is....... You in the 3rd row...
You:"A good therapist is priceless!"
Me:"YES IN-DAMN-DEED! No prize, but you are correck."
Fam. Sometimes... this may strike you as a shock: You haven't thought of everything. You
don't know everything. You AREN'T always right. You do have toxic traits. You just might be in denial. And, here's the taser, Pinocchio: Perhaps, deep down, part of you may enjoy dysfunction or just be too prideful to let your guard down. Let the direct quote marathon begin!!
I am going to summarize some chapters from the book "Stop Doing That SH*T," by Gary John Bishop. Chapter 7, 8, 9, titled "THE THREE SABOTEURS", "YOU" and "THEM."
[I'm SO ANNOYED that when I typed those chapter titles in all caps, my brain said that is not proper MLA format and somebody out there will notice. Too much damn nursing school in my life history, bruh.]
The entire book is about the endless subconscious ways that humans sabotage themselves. He gets down & dirty, detailed & gritty about the ways in which we feel, think, and behave in order to self-sabotage in order to avoid success or change or the truth or self-actualization.
The following quote is by Gary John Bishop and is one of the most striking things I have ever read:
"Thereafter follows a lifetime of gathering evidence to support your view."
Not quite the lightening bolt I see it as when taken out of context, but allow me to expound. [typed "expound" into my dictionary app to make sure I actually know what it means and used it right for all you smarties out there... *hair flip emoji* ... I do.] And by expound I mean I'ma throw way more quotes at y'all from the book to make my point about EMDR...
"You're not a victim of your own past.
I'm not saying people don't become victims to their past; I'm saying you are not one until the moment in time you decide you are.
If that annoys you, just realize you're currently getting triggered by your insistence on being called a victim. You are fighting for a label you're going to spend a lifetime trying to get over. Victim or no victim, only you get to say.
In this case, you and you alone have made your life what it has become. Again, this isn't about who is to blame but is rather a way of you finally understanding yourself that empowers you rather embitters or hardens you." (1)
This is the type of book where I could literally underline, highlight, fold the corner and put a mini Post-It flag on like every single sentence.
I assure you, there are beliefs you hold about yourself that you may not repeat in your head every day, but they are steering the ship They are undermining your human potential. Or the potential of your relationships. Or the potential of your talents. Or the potential of your money or your career or creativity.
These "limiting beliefs" often are adopted by people after something "big" or "traumatic" or "impactful" or "unexpected" occurs in their lives. Limiting beliefs, as GJB (yeah I gave him a nickname, we like dat) writes, can be about yourself, other people, the world, or any combo meal of those options. Examples:
I'm not smart enough
I am not what other people think I am
People are always after me
I can't trust anybody
I'm not made for that. It's my genetics.
There are no good men left
People hate me
There are no good women left
I'm the problem
People will leave
Everything I touch goes to shit
People don't change
I'm too fat / ugly / skinny / big / small
Life is/_____ is too hard. I can't.
I will always struggle with money
My problems are worse than other people's
Any of those ring a bell? Zing. Now, read it again:
"In reality, all it takes is one or two life incidents for these conclusions to seep into that magic little sponge of yours...How easily that one incident could soak into your magic little sponge and become 'people will leave,' 'You can't trust people,' or 'People don't care.'
Thereafter follows a lifetime of gathering evidence to support your view."
"This isn't about despair, or guilt, or shame, or any other negative state; this is about finally taking total and complete ownership of your life...Whatever truth you own doesn't own you.
If you're still struggling with this, start with the idea that at some level you get something out of keeping your established truths the way the've been. Something gets proved and confirmed by your continued squirming and avoiding taking ownership of your life." (1)
"Something gets proved and confirmed by your continued squirming and avoiding taking ownership of your life."
Gary. John. MF. Bishop.
Most Bishop-est shit I ever heard!
Far too many people LIVE in a life of revolving self-sabotage with simultaneous self-fulling prophecy. People get a satisfaction and feeling of familiarity when the outcome is predictable AND they are right. Predictable AND right... choooooo people eat that up! Comfort Zone AF.
I THOUGHT THIS BLOG WAS ABOUT EMDR HOW AM I STILL HERE READING THIS OMG GET TO THE POINT for f**k's sake!!!
It is. These excerpts from Gary John Bishop's book ARE the EPITOME of what EMDR is about. YOU came to believe things about yourself, your life, and the people around you WHEN and AFTER big events happened in your life. And "the truth" is what you believe. You then likely made a lifetime of acting on these beliefs or functioning within their limits. YOU are how you are, you do what you do, talk how you talk, reason how you reason, cope how you cope, flail like you flail, because of BELIEFS you have about yourself, other people, and life in general.
And how's that workin' for ya? -Dr. Phil
Fast forward to TODAY... WHAT issues do you repeatedly encounter? What weird quirks do you have? What things do you worry about? What things do you NOT worry about but probably should a little? What toxic traits do you have? What habits do you have that you hate? Are you addicted to anything? Are you unhealthy? Can you not keep a relationship or a job? Do you argue a lot? Are there parts of life you can't remember? Are there certain days you can't remember, and that makes you wonder if things you thought happened are actually real? Do you wear your "oh i just block that shit out" badge on your collar? My other go-to person related to EMDR on the internet is Dana Carretta Stein. This is one of the blogs she wrote about dissociation, which is a symptom of trauma and is amenable to EMDR. (3)
"You are in a perpetual state of fucking yourself over so that you can repeatedly save yourself from what fucked you over in the first place!" -GJB
Aren't you just a HERO? Let's get you a yard sign.
ALL of these seeds get planted somewhere along the way. And EMDR helps you find the first tree. You *safely and strategically* envision the event/s, the place/s, the situation/s, the person/people that you are troubled by. You briefly describe it/them. Then, you are to focus on a back and forth moving target (in my case, a blue dot on a white computer screen), with only your eyes, for a therapist-designated amount of time (I don't know how long I go for but it feels like 30-60 seconds). Sometimes you will perform bilateral (right and left) taps on yourself. Every therapist does it their own way. After the eye movement, you pause, verbalize what thoughts you had while holding the image in your head, then repeat.
And the CONCLUSIONS you come to are MIND BLOWING.
The way you can see things differently. The way you can reframe things that seemed so "true" at a time when you didn't know any better. It is psychological, emotional, mental liberation. The answers ARE inside of you.
Wave your big ass freedom flag.
EMDR is a step-wise process, that is repeated over and over and over until something that "triggers" you or "disturbs" you ... no longer does.
"If I just THINK about her/him/it/them I get so ANGRY/upset/scared and/or I eat/drink/binge/snort/inject/hibernate/spiral." - THIS is the type of stuff EMDR can fix.
It's ugly some days.
Oprah ugly cries galore.
But you have already survived it. You've already lived through it. If the worst thing that can happen in the safety of a session is that you have to think and talk about painful things for a purpose... it's not in vain, and it's not real life anymore.
It's already less destructive than continuing to perpetuate your trauma or limiting beliefs.
A final mic drop:
Every man has some reminiscences which he would not tell to everyone, but only to his friends. He has others which he would not reveal even to his friends, but only to himself, and that in secret. But finally there are still others which a man is even afraid to tell himself, and every decent man has a considerable number of such things stored away."
Here's where you can find an EMDR therapist in Lafayette Parish, Louisiana, or wherever you may be...(4)